The Losing Project Part 1

There are so many things that I want to say or could say on this topic that I could babble on for pages and days, but for the sake of everyone's sanity, I will try to be concise. Try.

First off, let's get a few points out of the way:

• Diet...a four letter word. It's cursing to it's truest form. 
• Exercise. It's enjoyable for me, but consistency at it could be almost laughable.
• Thin. Not a word I would have ever used to describe myself. 

Now for a list of a different kind:

• Food. Oh yes, food. The next dearest love of my life next to my family and friends.
• Sugar. NOW we're talkin'.
• Cookies. Aren't they meant to be eaten by the 2 dozens?
• Food. Oh yeah....did I already say that?

Let's go back a few years, shall we? My freshman year of college I was determined to get the opposite of the "freshman 15". I was always on the slightly chubby side, always wanted to get out of that phase, but didn't really know what to do. I started running. Not a lot, but I ran a couple miles every day, six days per week and I did this for 3 months. I'd like to consider this my first attempt at being consistent in my exercise. I did not lose a single pound. In fact, I actually gained a couple, but i did lose about 1/2 inch around my waist. After running every day for so long and not really seeing the results, I stopped. The only thing I really gained was a new found like of running - something I previously detested.

(Please keep in mind that I am 5'1". A normal BMI for me is 110-130. Although the I don't wholly agree with BMI, it is somewhat useful. At 150 I was in the obese category. I do not think I was "obese" really, nor do I think that 150 is that heavy. However... I am short, so it was heavy for my height.)

Fast forward a few years to when I got married. I believe I was around 135 lbs when we got married. I was within a pound or two of Brian, who actually weighed LESS than I did. Always. I got comfortable in my married life and since we both love trying new foods...and I love eating it, I quickly shot up to 150 lbs. All this time I knew I was a little "soft" but I would have never considered myself overweight. (I know, seriously???!!) You know how most women have body dismorphic disorder where you think you're a lot bigger than you really are? I had the opposite problem. I'd pick up size 6 jeans thinking I could squeeze my size 8/10 behinder in them and was absolutely appalled that they didn't get over my butt cheeks. How could they not possibly fit? Ah....the dilemma. 

A year and a half later we had our first child. I started nursing and ate cookies by the 2-3 dozens at a time....right out of the oven. (This is grotesque, right? I know.) Seriously though. I stopped eating chocolate at the beginning of nursing, but my sweets cravings were uncontrollable, so cookies it was. Even though I probably had a bajillion cookie calories, Claire must have eaten more because nursing brought be back from 170 at 40 weeks pregnant to 150 in just three weeks. Then I dropped down to 140 a few weeks later. I stayed there for a couple more years until Jared was one year old. 

Ok...There you go. The backstory. I feel pretty good that it was only 2 paragraphs. :) 

Now, whenever I told Brian I wanted to lose weight he would say, "Why don't you try weight watchers?". Now....lets get something straight. Isn't it funny that if I asked for a cookie and he said, "why don't you go get one then," I wouldn't be astounded at his logical reply? I asked a question and he responded. Now, whenever I asked how to lose weight and he would tell me to do weight watchers, it was as if he was shouting "YOU'RE FAT!" and I'd get all sorts of defensive. "Weight watchers? Do YOU think I need to lose weight of something?!" How rude. Poor guy. Logical answer. What was I hoping for? Maybe I wanted him tell me that if I picked up P90X or ran 5 miles a day I would start to lose it, but he didn't. When I suggested running he would just tell me that running doesn't make you lose weight....something I refused to believe for far too long. And it's so true. If you run a lot, you'll burn calories for sure, but most people usually think "Hey, I ran 3 miles today, that means I get to eat more." Not true. You'll most definitely eat more calories than you burned with that mentality. You must must MUST have some strength training in there.

Isn't it funny? I was willing to work really hard to get rid of calories, but I wasn't willing to restrict my eating? I knew this girl who had liposuction. She said it was super painful and she gained everything back rather quickly, but she'd do it again because feeling skinny was amazing. We get our stomachs stapled, our fat sucked out through surgery, we buy "as seen on tv" products that probe your abs so you can each chips, watch tv, and get a 6-pack (yes, my family had one of those), but we aren't really willing to eat less. It's hilarious to me when you say it that way, but I think dieting is incredibly hard. 

In May 2013 I decided that it was time to get fit. I started doing Jillian Michael's 30 day shred and nearly died. It was so hard. In this video, she said, "If you're following our diet plan and doing our 30 day workout", you'll see results in no time. I nixed the diet plan and decided that the workout was enough. I tell ya, I hate dieting. I love my food. I also love hard work, so I felt that I could do that. 3 days into my 30 day shred, my best friend called and told me she was doing weight watchers. This girl is teensy. I didn't think she needed weight watchers, but decided that if she did, then I could do it too. To be honest, it was my inner competitive nature that kicked in and took over. "I could do it if she could" kind of mentality. 

The first three days were agony. I was STARVING! I ate strawberries by the pounds and spent more on fruit than I ever had before. I'm not kidding. I didn't think I'd be able to live let alone continue this diet. However, I had just paid $56 for a three month trial. If it didn't work, I'd get my money back. If it did work, then it would be the best $56 I'd ever spent. Why not try. So, after 3 days, my workouts got easier and I wasn't nearly so hungry. The 13 jelly beans I'd eat at the end of the day were consumed one by one with sheer delight in each bite. I learned to love eating in a different way. I love food, but now I really love what I eat and when I eat it. I take time with each bite. It's like budgeting. When you don't have a lot of money, you learn to make your money stretch and you take it more seriously. You know how much money you have, where it's going to go, and how to make up for a deficiency if there is one. And so it is with food. 

As for the workout. It took me one week to do level one. Two weeks for level two. Three weeks for level 3. At the end of this, I was 6 weeks in to weight watchers/30 day shred and I had met my goal of 133 lbs. In six weeks. WHY!!!! Oh why had I not done this years before? I didn't want it to be a lofty goal, but I hadn't been that low since high school. I got down to a size 4 and I have never been a size 4. 

Then pregnancy came. I did better than the first two pregnancies and gained less. It was the after Hailey being born that was super hard for me...

To be continued.