Change

Haven't we all struggled with this? Seriously, all women do. I think. Maybe even most people in general do. This is so beautifully said by the wonderful Marjorie Hinckley. Her words are always so real. 

This is more of a "my life as of then and now" post because I feel that there has been such a big change. I much needed change. Something that I have been craving, but didn't quite know how to get it. I would like myself to remember this time in 5 years (maybe even in 5 days) that life feels really good. 

Utah was good to us. Texas was better. In both places I became a mom to a new little person(s). In both places I fell more in love with Brian and learned to adapt to different situations with him. In both places I took on several roles and responsibilities to share in the providing of our family. In both places we were happy, each place adding more happiness than the last. Provo was challenging because we felt ages away from where we are now. Texas was challenging because that phase felt so close and yet so far. His job there offered different frustrations and the unknown time frame of being there was daunting, at least to me.

We lived in a house from the 1920's that had known holes in the roof that actually didn't give us any problems. It was a drafty house and I swore I would never live in anything so old ever again. The energy inefficiency was enough to drive me crazy. Then we upgraded to living in a house from the 1950's....and once again I have sworn that I will never live in a house that old. It had no known leaks or holes that proved to be a year and a half of flooding from the ground up and pouring (literally) from the ceiling when the rains came. Once again, the energy inefficiency drove me up the wall. 

Teaching in Provo was incredibly fun and rewarding. My kids were small enough and still hadn't hit the naughty/mischievous stage yet, so teaching was incredibly rewarding on almost all fronts. Teaching in Texas, although rewarding in it's own respect, made me stretched too thin and I felt like my responsibilities to my family were lacking and even absent at times. I didn't spend time with Claire after school. I yelled....a lot. I let the TV babysit them far too often. They cried. They screamed. I felt like I was neglecting a big part of my life that I wanted to have back. Dallas was challenging because to do anything took hours. We were in the car most of our lives, or so I felt. Getting Claire from school was at least two hours a day. Going to the store was the same. The house we lived in felt impossible to keep clean and because of that, I felt like I had a never-ending to do list that only got longer with each minute. Part of that must have been that I was constantly scooping water out of our playroom by the bucket fulls, cutting holes in the ceiling for drips, or observing the growing mold problem that only I was truly dealing with. My shoulders felt heavy and I didn't feel like I was really being the person I wanted to be. We were in "that phase" and I didn't know how long it would last. It was almost as if I was trying to fill every possible moment with something to do just to pass the time and I filled my time with things that didn't really make me happy. I didn't fill it with my kids, or my spouse. I didn't fill it with trying to be a better person. I justified my selfishness because "we didn't have the money" to help in various ways. It wasn't our situation that really made me suffocate but more my frame of mind. 

I know this sounds terrible, but Hailey is a demanding child. She thinks she's a first/only child and deserves all the attention the world can give. She was so frustrating to teach piano with. She needed so much attention and I felt like I couldn't give it to her and in turn was frustrated with her most days. Bedtime was the most cherished time of day solely because she went to bed (not saying that I don't still cherish bedtime...every parent should). In short, my enjoyment in motherhood was pretty low. There were times where I wondered why I would ever want more kids and most of the time didn't really enjoy the ones I have. 

Then there's now.

Brian just got his first real job. We bought our first house. We still have one car. I stopped teaching piano. Claire is truly happy at school for the first time. Our kids are growing up, which is both incredibly fun and exciting, but also a little devastating to watch time pass so quickly. We live in a small town. Brian takes the car to work most days and I am stuck at home to come up with whatever adventures I can think of. We love the change in the weather (which may not always be the case, but I have to remember that winter is beautiful and the change in season is refreshing). Not teaching has given me enormous stress relief that I have needed for years. I have all the time in the world to be with my family. Jared has started his mommy-Jared preschool in our "new school" aka the loft and he raves about it. I tried to do this before, but was so inconsistent and life just got in the way. I have started re-teaching Claire the piano (a work in progress). Hailey and I like each other all the time. She is quite the hilarious human being and I am always laughing at her. We snuggle. We laugh. We play. All of us. We are working toward recovering from being poor for all of our marriage and while the task is very daunting, we are excited that it's finally possible. Simplifying our lives and getting rid of excess is so exhilarating. whether it be stuff, debt, responsibilities, chores, etc.

"We have to decide what is important and then move along at a pace that is comfortable for us."

 That feels possible. It feels real. And it feels so, so good. 

Claire's New School and Crusher

No pictures this time. Sorry. It's good, old fashioned story-time!

This girl is hilarious! She is loving her new life in Michigan and I don't think I've seen her this happy in school....ever. Let's re-cap.

She did like pre-school, but I think she felt really out of place. She was very much the minority because she was the only non-Hispanic kid in her class. Not that we care. I actually really loved that she had so many friends from different places, but there were a lot of times that she would come home in such a bad mood because no one would really play with her. This was partly her doing as well because she cowers when she feels like the odd one out. We've had many talks about this.

Then, Kindergarten went underway. It was either the elementary school down the street from our house that had terrible ratings (which her preschool teacher advised against) or the charter school (which every parent whose kids attends love this school). Let's be real. I really liked the curriculum that was taught there, but good gracious! Let the kids be kids! I loved, loved Claire's teacher and she did have friends in her class, but we started having some really frustrating behavior problems at home early on because she didn't have enough play time. She was so ornery coming home from school (I think partly because lunch was at 10:15), and I couldn't get her to do anything because she was so darn wiggly....but ornery wiggly. She rarely told me what she did at school and when she did it was because I basically begged to know the details of her day. She only ever told me about her one 30 minute recess because "that's my favorite time of day, mom".

So, here we are, in Michigan. The schools in our town are pretty incredible and I'm very excited about that. The first day I walked into the office....was different. First off, hats off to Texans....they're a lot nicer than "Michiganders". Second, this office was loud and crazy - totally opposite of previous school. When she started two days later and we met her teacher/walked through the halls I started to relax a little bit. The environment is so much more relaxed. It seems fun. So, we waited through the day to see how she'd be getting off the bus for the first time.

Other than me being misinformed of the location of the bus stop and Claire being upset I wasn't there, she wouldn't stop talking about how fun school was! "We have TWO RECESSES and one playtime, mom! I love this school a lot more because how much we get to play! And we have toys! We didn't have toys at my old school! I only miss Riley and Ms. Hart." Then she sang and played and was a pleasant, happy 5 year old for the rest of the day. Every day since I pick up a happy, smiling Claire. She comes home with Kindergarten fun crafts and homework and is always excited to tell me something about school.

Love.

Now, for her first crush (or being crushed, rather). I asked her the other day if she thought boys were cute yet. She gave me that, "HUH???" look. On her first day she also said, "Mom! All the girls like me!" I asked, "What about the boys." She said, "Mom....they're booooys," almost with an eye-roll attached. Anyway, there is a boy from church that also rides the same bus home. Apparently he told his mom about the "cute, I mean new" girl at school. When he saw her at church, he had his mom switch places with him so he could sit closer to her. HA! I'm dying from how cute this is! So, I told her to sit by said boy on the bus and try to be friends with him. She didn't really know who I was talking about, so we've been waiting until Sunday to find out what this kid looks like. Today, she came home and we had the following conversation:

C: "I sat by Elliott today mom! I like him!"
M: "Oh, you met him! Yay! What did you talk about?"
C: "Oh nothing."
M: "Nothing?"
C: "Well, I sat by him yesterday on the bus and he didn't really say anything. He was being shy. But today he wasn't being so shy."
M: "Oh good! So, he talked to you?"
C: "Well, we talked about stuff, mostly I talked a lot and just kept talking. and he mostly did this....." as she raises her shoulders, ducks her head, and sheepishly smiles.

And then she giggles like it's the funniest thing in the world.


5 year old relationships have gotten the highest cuteness marks in my book.

5 Things I'll Miss About Texas

Hello bloggity blog.

It's been a mere 6 months since I have last said anything at all on here. Let's do a little recap.

For a while there, I was thinking that the small and annoying things in life were out to get me. In the span of a couple months we had what seemed like a million things go wrong. Most of them, in hindsight, were really no big deal, but the frequency of them happening were adding so much weight that each thing felt heavier. I just kept hoping that enduring through all of it would hopefully have a light at the end of the tunnel and sure enough, it did. Sometimes our trials sure make the good things that much better.

So, in October Brian got a job offer to a company in Michigan. He had interviewed at this small company and a company in South Carolina. We thought for sure the SC one was going to be it, but I felt so good about this whole Michigan business. It may or may not have been heavily influenced by the fact that Michigan does not contain one single fire ant in it's glorious borders...and South Carolina would have them plus the same annoying weather that Texas has. So...we flew out here while it poured inside and outside of our house in Texas and dreamed of months passing to finally move out of a flooding and overly molding house.

To be honest, our trip for 2 to Michigan was not the second honeymoon kind of trip we were hoping it to be...it was my fault. Brian is so laid back about everything and I stress and stress over living situations until the cows come home. Rent in Ann Arbor is astronomical and we did NOT want to buy a house because we had no money to buy a house. By the time we left Michigan....we put an offer in on a house. Good gracious. We had been here for a whole 4 days. To make a long story short, we bought a house and we are finally here! Hooray! Brian had his first day of work today and it just feels so right. Right feels so good. I think he'll really like it there and I think I'll eventually start to feel a little less claustrophobic amidst these trees and love Michigan. I love our house (Now that it's finally cleaned from head to toe from the previous owners and their disgustingness....another blog for another day). I love our neighborhood. I love that our house doesn't leak when it rains or flood for that matter. I love that we can't even hear the heater go on because in Texas it sounded like a short range missile was about to blow us to bits. I also love that 73 degrees actually feels warm because our house doesn't leak air. I love that we have carpet! CARPET! It's soft and wonderful. It's insulating. It's fun to vacuum. We can fall on it and not end up in the ER. I'm in heaven. I love that January actually feels like January. If you couldn't tell, I was not a huge fan of the weather in Texas...and that was kind of a huge thing for me. Sure, it was nice to have the occasional warm park day in the middle of winter, but for the most part, it's either too hot or too cold to go outside, so you're stuck inside for the remainder of your life. That's how it was for me anyway.

Now....Let's get to the point. Before you get the impression that I hated Texas, I actually did not. I hated the weather....


and the bugs. That's all. It was a blast to live in Dallas and do all the fun things that a big city has to offer. I will definitely miss it.

1. Heritage Park in Flower Mound
This is the world's most amazing, kid and mom friendly park. I call it the mom lazy park. There is one way in and out. I just parked my fanny at the entrance and didn't have to worry that my kids were drowning in the stupidly placed park pond each Texas park seems to have. This park is heaven on earth and I would move back just for the park.







2. La Paisanita
I swore I would never eat at this ghetto piece of junk....but it happened. World's best tacos people! If you ever visit Texas, do not believe the people about this so-called amazing Tex-Mex. I have yet to experience good Texan Tex-Mex. I was sorely disappointed every time. These tacos are the real deal.



3. The roads.
There is a freeway everywhere. I love it! Coming from Utah I was not used to so many helpful roads to get around and now I fear I will never be the same. Dallas roads are amazing. So far...Michigan's are funny. They are very....bumpy.


4. The Camping. BAHAHAHAHAHAHA....just kidding. There is no camping season. We desperately missed camping. Brian took Jared camping once and he pooped his pants twice, wet his pants. Ran out of underwear. Had a billion enormous bugs. Couldn't sleep because it was so hot. And....had a really funny story to tell by the end of it.

We tried camping two other times and only one was mildly successful.

4. Indoor Play Areas
The Ark. The Tubes. At least Texans know that the outside is unbearable, so they make the indoor places fun.

5. Our friends.
The friendships we have made in Texas have been pretty incredible. It almost feels like we had been there forever. We loved our ward. We loved our callings. We loved our missionaries. This has been the hardest part of moving, of course. I only wish you could bring the people with you.










6. If Brian were to choose one thing to miss, his first answer would be the Dallas Mavericks. MFFL. I told him we could name our next child Dirk....I think he really got hopeful at that one. Not even a possibility, sorry hon.

Next up will be pictures of our house.....if I can ever get the pictures up on the walls! :)