Dreaming Beginner

I read my friends blog today and decided that I'm a cynic, a big fat boring bottle of contempt of a dreamer. I'm a realist. I don't dream about anything unless I feel it is obtainable. I don't really allow myself to dream. I tell people that you can't be a failure with dreams because that's exactly why they are called dreams. Some dreams never come true and that's ok. It's time I start believing in my own words. Time that I stop calling unrealized dreams, failures.

These two best friends of mine are huge into that little bug we call dreaming. They've thought of it all. Traveling the world, opening shops in France to sell beautiful little chocolate delicacies, do-gooding like buying a castle to transform it into the world's best orphanage. Every time I heard one of these so called dreams, I felt small. There is no way in this entire universe that I would be able to do any of that. That's where I became the realist, cynic, bottle of contempt. I just accepted that they dreamed of things that I could never do and moved on to my small little life of no so- called dreams and aspirations.

As I've been thinking about it this morning, I thought about what constitutes a dream. I think a dream is something that you want to do, but you have to have some small part of you believe that it will or can happen. I've never wanted to travel to France, Spain, Denmark, Argentina, Madagascar, or Russia. I've never wanted to open a shop of any kind. I've never wanted to manage an orphanage (or anything for that matter since I hate managing). But that's ok. I don't have to dream that big or that far around the world. I can make dreams in my own home.

That's what I'm calling myself. The familial dreamer. Sounds ugly...hm....maybe something with more of a ring to it.

All I've ever dreamed about is my family. I dream about the day that my kids smear chocolate all over my clothes and face and say, "I love you mommy!" I dream about the day where Brian comes home from work and our entire family runs to the door to greet him with a big hug and little kisses. I want to be the world's best mom. I dream of mud fights, family vacations, bringing another person into this world, helping with homework and knowing that my kids are smarter than me and destined for greatness. I dream of living by my family and Brian's at the same time. If only.

Then my clockwork started ticking.

I dream of having a house. Sigh. A house.....sigh. Where I can paint those walls whatever color I want and decorate them with the people I love. A house that has an all white room just for my black baby grand piano (if we're talking about BIG Stacy dreams, it would be a Steinway...but I know better than that). Something like this would do:

However, I Would want it to be a smaller room with a couple of chairs for my family admirer's to listen or sing.

A house with a backyard that I can mow and smell the spring and summer.

I want to buy a beach cottage in Maine. Qualifications: run down, ugly, and cheap. I would then transform it into a gorgeous but quaint little home for me and hubster. It would be full of light and happiness. Why Maine? Because we would then go into town and have some delicious lobster. Yum!

I do dream of traveling, just not to the same places as said best friends. I don't want to go to France. I want to go to Sweden and slaughter the language that I have come to love. I love it. I want to be fluent. I want to order Swedish pastries in their language and have a smile on my face knowing that I did it. Jag älskar Sverige.

I want to go to Egypt and explore pyramids. I've always had this childhood fascination with mummies and pyramids and all things Egypt. How cool. King Tut? Yes, please! Oh my goodness, it's SOOO fascinating to me!!! However, we would have to have one heck of a shower in our hotel. Dusty places make me want to shower. I usually don't like watching western movies because they're dusty and make me want to get clean.

One word. Italy. Sigh. Italy. From it's beautiful buildings, to it's romantic atmosphere. From it's gelato to everything carbs. Sigh. History, beauty, romance. I told Brian that we have to make it to Italy before I am dead. He agreed. I'm hoping it will be more in my younger years. 20 year anniversary? 15?

All things Hawaii.

I dream of making the most incredible and delicious cupcakes you've ever had. Yes, I dream of cupcakes.....and cookies, and italian bread, and cooking/baking in general. I love to look at little goodies that are beautiful. Hopefully I will be able to get that little decorating kit I've been eyeing for so long very soon.

Then I have these looming dreams/goals that depress me. I want to be a concert pianist. I want to be a photographer and a really stellar one. I want to be a great singer. I want to be three inches taller in my legs and in my torso. I want to be an interior designer. I want to be both a massage therapist and a permanent client who gets massages for FREE (these are dreams, right?).

Well, I may never grow 6 more inches in my lifetime and I may never get better at the piano, singing, or photography. Guess what? I can sure try. Maybe someday I will take more lessons and or classes to accomplish all of these things. I can even buy some gorgeous red high heels for the height. The point is, that I have the desire to do the things on my list accompanied with that glimmer of hope that they will actually happen.

So, I will dream. Count me in.

Things That Are New

Here is a report of what I've been up to lately. My mom told me that I'm definitely a stay at home mom because I feel the need to rearrange the furniture and/or redo a piece of furniture. We have this little bookshelf in Claire's room that just got uglier by the day. I forgot to take a "before" picture of it (darn!), so there it is the Christmas we got it. It's the little black ugly bookshelf in the corner. Pretty blah.

Here it is now!

Even though it took me 3 weekends to do because of crappy weather, I am really happy how it turned out. I've never spray painted anything before and I'm certainly no pro, but it was kinda fun. I just mod podged the birdy paper on for some kind of cuteness and I really like it.

Next, laundry days are probably the days Claire dislikes the most. So, instead of having her cry while I fold forever, I created the laundry car. I drive her around in it, she gets to sit in it while I put clothes in with her and she loves it.

Lastly, I ran a race. It was just a little 5k, but it felt good to do it. I've always been a little hesitant to run a race because Brian's family are runners and I was embarrassed of the time I would get, but I finally buckled down and did it. My time was indeed terrible at 33 minutes, but hey, I did it and I ran the entire thing....which gives you an idea of how slow I was running. :) My amazing friend, Kristie, ran a 10k in 41 minutes. CRAZY!! To think, she did double the distance I did in just 8 minutes longer. Haha. I'm gonna have to start running more. I definitely want to do another one in the next couple months, but I will have at least two other people sign up with me. My friend who was going to do it got sick and couldn't go. Let's just say the before and after race was insanely boring and anti-climactic by sitting all by myself.

Since I didn't have a friend go, I had to take a picture afterward with a very almost naked, yet adorable, Claire. :)

Foot in my Mouth

So, have you ever had those days where you say something completely stupid and it wasn't what you meant? Totally had that moment today. I knew it was rude the minute I escaped my lips, but because of other interruptions I couldn't even recover and restate what I actually meant. My friend always told me that semantics are incredibly important and I've been working on saying what I actually mean for years. Still hasn't happened apparently. I say what's in my head, but for some reason, they are not the words that need to come out. Frustrating.

Anyway, I feel terrible and probably need to bake some cookies and send some notes out to 100+ people that I've conveyed the wrong emotions to.