Feel Like Giving Up

Do you ever feel like the world is closing in on your ambitions and you just want to stop everything you're doing because, let's face it, you're not going to succeed anyway? I'm trying very hard to refuse that inhibitor of my motivation, but sometimes it is so hard. Friday was one of the longest days I can remember. I got 3 hours of sleep because I had a lovely laugh-my-guts out girls night on Thursday, but I had a doctor's appointment on Friday....early. Too early.

The appointment was pretty normal, with a light caution from the doctor to take it easy. Ok Doc. I'll tell Claire that you said that. When the laundry piles up, I will tell it to do itself. When my stomach tells me that it's hungry, I will simply sit on the couch and imagine the food it could be eating. Thank you.

I came home, with high hopes that Claire was still sleeping. Brian was. She wasn't. Sigh. Now I was looking forward to Claire's 1:00 nap time. This is heaven in my home. Fits in right next to Christmas cheer in my book. Nap time. Sigh.

1:00 comes and so does the beck and call to run errands for my brother-in-law that I already scheduled in. Sadly, Claire took her 1:00 nap in the car. I was hoping she would nap later since she slept for a mere 10 minutes. No, apparently she thought she needed an emotional mother that would later swell up and burst. Duty done.

Home came, but no nap time. Dreams were smashed for that instance, so I poured some hot chocolate and warmed my insides. I had just ordered my holiday line for my Stella and Dot party that was to take place this Thursday. I was so excited for it because, after all, I love a good party and they are a blast to have. I sat down with my hot heavenly chocolate and read my emails. Hostess email! YAY! As I read her following lines: I cannot have a party this month due to personal issues.....my heart sank into despair. I told Claire I needed a hug, which she interpreted as, "RUN! Your mother wants to smother you!". Indeed I started to bawl. She then took pity on me, or so I thought. She came up to me, sat on my lap and looked at me confused. I thought a hug was coming from this sweet little person whom I had taught that crying = hugs. That confused look turned into apathy and she proceeded to sit on my head.

Thank you Claire.

So, for the time being, I am trying to stay motivated and keep going with the wonderful and glorious Stella and Dot. Heaven knows that I plan my outfits around a necklace and I look forward to getting dressed each day because of it. It's like being a little girl and playing dress up. So fun! I'm wishing that Heavenly Father will just call and say, "Stacy....poor, pathetic, Stacy. Here are two parties because I love you." Sigh.

I think I'll go have Claire sit on my head.

Oh That Little Red Peacoat

Best $20 I've ever spend. It's the cutest thing in the world! Every time we put it on her, she gets so excited, bends over and looks at it. Then she starts to laugh and kind of twirl....it's the most darling thing I've ever seen. So, we went outside and played in this winter-like weather today.

We also discovered that Claire LOVES popcorn. She shoves full mouthfuls into her mouth. Of course she has to share too...

Facebook

I. Am. So. Sick. Of. Facebook. I understand that it's useful and social networking is kind of the way of the future, but I'm sick of it. I joined it for a boy. Yes, that beautiful man I call my husband. I never wanted to because I thought it was stupid, but then I quickly got into it as most people do. Now....I'm so over it.

This is how my facebooking usually goes. Morning, mid-day....whatever time of day you choose, I get on the computer, check mail, check blog, check facebook. All I do is run through the recent posts and then I'm off. Waste. Of. Time. No one ever posts me and I rarely post anyone else. The only people I really use it for is contacting my best friends while they're working. I think I can email them or leave a message....I mean, they are my best friends.

here is the REAL reason though. I have this sweet little thing in my life that I call Claire and I don't feel like I'm being a good enough mommy. This little girl deserves more. She deserves a mommy who, like my old fashioned mommy without a computer, plays with her outside, reads books to her, tickles her toes, plays in the mud, does fun projects with her, shows her the changing colors of the leaves, builds snowmen, and is fun. I think I need to enjoy her while she's little.

Now, I'm not getting rid of it...I'm just not looking at it. In fact, I'm trying not to get on the computer at all while she's awake. I'm excited. Here's to no facebook and being a good mommy! I wonder what kinds of things we'll do and what I'll come up with! :)